I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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