i just google imaged poop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
