you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
