Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
