She announced her abortion via fbk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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