Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
