All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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