he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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