I am puke
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
