I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
