my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
