Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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