broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
