I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny