Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3523) Bad night (1128)
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  (661): View more from California

  I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.

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  (661): I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka. http://tfl.nu/da8y
  Replies (12) Good night (4377) Bad night (891)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore

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  (609): just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore http://tfl.nu/abxm
  Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (3512)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.

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  (206): I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/t4ey
  Replies (3) Good night (1115) Bad night (3069)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.

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  (541): Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night. http://tfl.nu/209g
  Replies (3) Good night (1954) Bad night (855)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.

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  (+61): You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes. http://tfl.nu/b96e
  Replies (2) Good night (2117) Bad night (955)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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  (920): She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future. http://tfl.nu/bxh5
  Replies (7) Good night (1525) Bad night (876)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something

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  (567): He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something http://tfl.nu/zff9
  Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (606)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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  (860): I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off." http://tfl.nu/975o
  Replies (8) Good night (1604) Bad night (489)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

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  (819): I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex. http://tfl.nu/mg33
  Replies (8) Good night (2576) Bad night (447)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight

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  (717): I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight http://tfl.nu/6mb9
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (392)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us

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  (403): The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us http://tfl.nu/rgjh
  Replies (6) Good night (911) Bad night (418)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.

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  (219): Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts? (219): Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy. http://tfl.nu/z832
  Replies (10) Good night (527) Bad night (1302)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...

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  (208): Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return... http://tfl.nu/xy3e
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (430)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us

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  (815): WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?! (847): 1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us http://tfl.nu/rdej
  Replies (1) Good night (976) Bad night (367)

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