Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Crying babies in a bar. Really?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.

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  (708): Crying babies in a bar. Really? (708): And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden. http://tfl.nu/e52e
  Replies (10) Good night (641) Bad night (2526)
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  (752): View more from California

  i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt

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  (752): i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt http://tfl.nu/4czo
  Replies (50) Good night (6212) Bad night (1086)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.

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  (201): i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds. http://tfl.nu/tub0
  Replies (12) Good night (3144) Bad night (807)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

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  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (1012) Bad night (5375)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5981) Bad night (1431)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...

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  (843): my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk... http://tfl.nu/ndqi
  Replies (14) Good night (5875) Bad night (1482)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.

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  (503): i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday. http://tfl.nu/ygu9
  Replies (9) Good night (6478) Bad night (1132)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (875) Bad night (1723)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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  (410): You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days http://tfl.nu/jiwq
  Replies (4) Good night (643) Bad night (1503)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

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  (920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina http://tfl.nu/ae28
  Replies (10) Good night (3043) Bad night (779)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?

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  (940): Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow? http://tfl.nu/gsnf
  Replies (8) Good night (1415) Bad night (490)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

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  (651): Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz. http://tfl.nu/u6wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1435) Bad night (414)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.

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  (469): He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is. http://tfl.nu/q0lq
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (324)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.

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  (317): Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods. http://tfl.nu/5ob5
  Replies (1) Good night (339) Bad night (411)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.

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  (908): On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ. http://tfl.nu/spxo
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (317)

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