We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.