just tell him i said nine months
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your shirt... Was in my pants