i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.