the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...