So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
