And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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