even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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