Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
