I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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