New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
