Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
