For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
