I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
