We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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