i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
