Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
