I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it glows. i had to have it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
