Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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