just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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