What a fucking waste of an outfit
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
