Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Houston, we have a blender
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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