She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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