I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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