addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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