I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
