How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
