Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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