I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
