I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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