All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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