She is in my trunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk is not a location!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
