so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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