my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize