I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So vagazzling was a success
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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