i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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