It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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