Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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