I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
