dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
