I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
