Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
