Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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