Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
