I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
