Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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