someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
