Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
