oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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