its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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