Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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