Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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