What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize