So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
