Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
