She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
