i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still have a little drunk in my system
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
