Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
